Tolerance is frequently assumed to be a virtue of the young. In the mass media, age is associated with crabbiness and narrowing of outlook, against the pure unsullied benevolence of youth, who are allegedly keen to live and let live.
No doubt there is some truth in this way of seeing things, but in my experience young people can be furiously intolerant and dismissive of difference. This will not be news to anyone with experience of the <a href="https://catholicherald.co.uk/police-escort-again-needed-at-manchester-university-to-protect-pro-life-speaker-from-screaming-pro-abortion-mob/?swcfpc=1"><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)" class="has-inline-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-color">scheming and antagonism of student politics</mark></a>. I well remember an acquaintance of mine from university who stood for women’s officer on a pro-life platform, and was subjected to the most horrendous vituperation.
Without wishing to blow my own trumpet, I personally find myself getting more tolerant as I get older, not less, Deo gratias. I’m not refer ring to “tolerance” in its modern political sense. I am as opposed as ever to the use of that word to silence all moral discussion and discernment, to <a href="https://catholicherald.co.uk/you-cant-police-belief-but-state-still-tries-to-control-our-thoughts-and-values/?swcfpc=1"><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)" class="has-inline-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-color">short-circuit any attempts at serious reflection</mark></a> on the kind of the behaviours and lifestyles that we should accept and promote.
I am thinking of tolerance as a personal rather than political virtue; the disposition to be patient with the faults of others, to be charitable, to bear in mind Our Lord’s warning from Matthew 7: “in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Having reached 40, which is (hopefully) around the halfway mark of my life, I have fewer illusions about my own sins and weaknesses, which 13 years of marriage and a decade of fatherhood have ruthlessly exposed. The parable of the unmerciful servant – the man who is forgiven a huge debt by his master but will not forgive his own debtors, who owe him much smaller amounts – has taken on a new and more immediate resonance.
As we reach certain milestones and see more of the world, the awareness that we must forgive others because we have ourselves been forgiven by God should become less of an intellectual conviction, and more like our routine mode of existence. The Evangelical writer Adrian Plass once compared the life of the Church on earth to a group hike, and praised those who – in his words – stay at the back encouraging the stragglers and retying their shoelaces.
If we are attentive to the situations we encounter as the years go by, we appreciate that most of the people we meet have some great struggle or tragedy in the background. The quote “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a terrible battle” is often attributed to Philo of Alexandria, a Hellenised Jewish philosopher born in ancient Alexandria, Egypt.
Perhaps we acknowledge more fully the advantages we’ve had that others did not have. We come to know how hard it can be to overcome even the most trivial of bad habits, or to put aside our own troubles and focus on others. People sometimes surprise us. Difficult or cantankerous individuals come good in a tight spot. Kindly and reliable people go through tough times.
We learn to understand why people are the way they are, and perceive the wisdom in a line given to Miss Marple in Agatha Christie’s short story collection <em>The Thirteen Problems</em>: “So many people seem to me not to be either bad or good, but simply, you know, very silly.” This way of stating the problem with human nature is not entirely satisfactory from the theological perspective. It is, however, insightful about the need to realise that folly and misunderstanding can be just as significant in driving misbehaviour as malice or greed.
For those of us fortunate enough to have children, part of the experience of ageing is navigating the challenges of parenting. This too should feed into our growth in humility, and willingness to forgive; specifically, to forgive our own parents for their mistakes and failings. I have often thought that one problem with<mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)" class="has-inline-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-color"> <a href="https://catholicherald.co.uk/happily-ever-after-secular-modernitys-irrational-discomfort-with-boy-meets-girl/">delayed family formation</a></mark> – in England and Wales the average age at first marriage is 33 for men and 31 for women, and the average age of a first-time mother is now over 30 – is that many people are well into their 30s or even 40s before they have the kind of experience of parenthood that encourages them to be more accepting of their parents’ missteps.
Some time ago I encountered a striking aphorism: “We’re all just walking each other home.” It seems to have originated with a New Age “guru”, Ram Dass, and it also seems to be entirely congruent with the Christian conviction that we are all members together of the Body of Christ. Its focus on human solidarity echoes St Paul in 1 Corinthians 12: “there should be no division in the body...its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it.”<br><br><em>Photo: 'Saint Francis Receiving the Stigmata', El Greco, 1585–1590</em>.<br><br><strong><strong>This article originally appeared in the June 2024 issue of the <em>Catholic Herald</em>. To subscribe to our award-winning, thought-provoking magazine and have independent and high-calibre counter-cultural Catholic journalism delivered to your door anywhere in the world click</strong> <a href="https://catholicherald.co.uk/subscribe/?swcfpc=1"><mark style="background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)" class="has-inline-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-color">here</mark></a>.</strong>
